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The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 7, Issue 7 (December 1, 1932)

Joke Wit And Humour

page 58

Joke Wit And Humour

Good Train: Good Walk: Good Society.

Auntie, who's old and rather deaf,
The other night at tea,
Surprised us all by blurting out:
“Who is this ‘Mr. E.’
I hear you speak so much about?
It seems not right to me
That he should ‘hike’ the countryside;
Who can the fellow be?”
Well, Bob was quick to answer
(and winked an eye at me)
“He's just a well-trained chap who walks
In good society.”

* * *

Schoolboy Howlers.

Teacher (who had been giving the class a lesson on coinage): “Now, Tommy, what is the Royal Mint?”

Tommy: “What they put over the lamb at Buckingham Palace, miss!”

Chivalry is the attitude of a man towards a strange woman.

An octopus is a person who hopes for the best.

* * *

Humour in Court.

During the course of a trial in Dublin, a witness by the name of Francis Dooley was asked concerning the defendant: “Are you related to Thomas Dooley?”

“Very distantly,” said Francis. “I was me mother's first child, Thomas was the tenth.”

* * *

The Problem Solved!

In the days before oil was discovered in Texas a travelling man stopped for the night at a dryland ranch near Wink.

As he discussed the affairs of the country with his host, he became more and more puzzled as to how the little ranch paid its way. At last he ventured the question:

“How in the world do you make a go of things on this place?”

Indicating the hired man, who was sitting at the far end of the supper table, the host replied:

“You see that fellow there? Well, he works for me, and I can't pay him. In two years he gits the ranch. Then I work for him till I git it back.”

* * *

A Study in Phonetics.

A Londoner rang up to enquire the fare to Ealing, but the man at the other end of the line couldn't catch the name of the station, so, in desperation, he asked the enquirer to spell it. The reply came as follows:—

“E—for ‘Erbert, A—wot the 'orses heat, L—w'ere yer goes w'en yer dies, I—wot yer see wif, N—wot lays a hegg, G—(lortg pause)—Gor’ bli'me!”

Christmas Morn. Father Christmas gets down the wrong chimney.

Christmas Morn.
Father Christmas gets down the wrong chimney.