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Salient. Victoria University of Wellington Students' Newspaper. Volume 31, Number 12 June 11, 1968

The Gospel according to St. Anthony

The Gospel according to St. Anthony

Photo of Norman Kirk

In a land not so far away that a herd of asses could not be driven there between sunrise and noon a certain unbeliever, one Ova Cager, did cause to be printed many nasty words about the Great God Gorm Smirk. Much wrath did this call forth from high priests of this God, among them Muddy Rolling and Bonk Birchfield who did declate that Ova Cager had sorely sinned.

And it transpired that on the very day when these evil words were placed upon the wall posters for alt to see another unbeliever, Bearded Belter Blitzed, did likewise err and criticise the noble Gorm.

And in another land the only begotten son of Gorm, one O'Dryin did mightily beat upon his breast and tear his hair. "Forsooth," cried he, "My God hath been profaned" and calling nigh his scribe he did declare. "This great wrong shall not go unpunished. Take thee with all haste to honoured Rolling and Birchfield, his brother, and say to them that unless this heresy to truly be exposed they, and all their Labouring followers, shall be stricken from the Holy Book and shall no more be called the loyal lovers of Gorm. And, scribe, do say to Muddy Rolling that this must be so, else his name shall never be sent above, and never shall he find himself among the heavenly band."

And, forthwith, the scribe did flea to the noble priests and yea, even that day, the sinners Blitzed and Cager were called before the loyal lovers of Gorm and even then did they plead and say "Twas not for you we wrote, but for ourselves alone, and it is we who must face Holy Gorm when judgment day doth come, yea, even if it be in the eleventh month of the year which followeth this." And so it came to pass that censure was not passed upon those heretics, but the dark face of the Great Gorm was made to shine upon them.

Epilogue: Before the sun had risen even times five was the Bearded Blitzed seen to preach to the assembled faithful lovers of Gorm; Great is the Charity of the Great Gorm and noble is his forgiveness