UNOFFICIAL WAR NEWS — (Per Latrinogram)
UNOFFICIAL WAR NEWS
One of the heaviest air attacks in the present war was launched on a German port by the Allies yesterday. According to a German radio station, no fewer than 50 British planes took part in the attack. On the approach of the enemy, two German fighter planes intercepted the British squadrons and successfully drove off the invaders, twelve of which were shot down and 19 were seen to disappear over the horizon in flames. The German machines both returned to their base undamaged. The Iron Cross was not awarded to the German airmen as such victories have now become an everyday occurrence.
Also in the magazine were references to ‘cheese, which certain persons inserted in the vitals of Capt. Dickson's bagpipes on New Year's Eve’; a ‘public denial’ by ‘one Charles Graham of the Div Pet Coy’ that he was in the habit of using Hood's Healthful Hair Restorer ‘or any other stimulant’ to encourage the growth on his upper lip; and a verdict on the ship's grog that ‘it looks like beer, it smells like beer, but it tastes like—’. Regarding the march to Perth it comments: ‘We made a triumphal entry, the band at our head. Our feet were blistered, our limbs were stiff, our thoughts were quite unspeakable….’ Again concerning Perth: ‘Army's procedure of lining up for everything from pay to patches becomes a habit. A number of soldiers were observed in a certain popular street recently trying to arrange themselves in alphabetical order’.
From the second number of ‘N.Z. Abroad’ come the following bright splinters: ‘The submarine lookout peered intently through his binoculars, never shifting his eyes from the ocean. Something had crossed his line of vision. Yes, there it was again … now he was certain … excitedly he turned to his fellow lookout, and shouted: “These bloody flying-fish do flap their wings!”’
And, again with Charlie Graham ‘in the gun’: